Money Talks


So yeah, this quitting drinking thing…blows. Its making me actually HAVE all of my emotions. I made the ‘Rules’ list for the fridge, for the kids, for a reference, so I can point and not yell. Then I took a weekend ‘off’ and told Michael I quit. The house was a wreck, the kids went ape shit, I hid in my room the whole time and felt like a jerk. Then Michael quit drinking and after I ripped the rules down and threw them away, because that’s what I do with dormant emotions, let them rip; together we made the new ‘Rules’, as a team. Michael wanted to play, I felt a million times better and we started over.

Emotions still running wild and I have noticed that I want to drink sometimes when I feel them rise up. I drank mostly because these emotions scared me. I thought if I let any leak out, the dam would burst and the village would be drowned. Or maybe not even all that dramatic, maybe I just wasn’t used to having them. They were uncomfortable. Why do you think I do comedy? I can be awkward with a whole bunch of other awkwardly type people and we are friends.

And every weekend the kids keep showing up. They keep making me be a PERSON. It would be rude and weird if I stayed in bed the whole time because of SAD. It’s 80 degrees out goddammit. It’s beautiful outside!! This is Colorado…these are people. People that like YOU. Little people that like you and want to call you Weekend Mom. Snap out of it. Sometimes ya gotta fake it til you make it.


Another thing that is working with this ‘list’ thingy…is that Money Talks. We listed various chores they can do for money. Some chores come with just being in a home and living in a family. Like doing dishes, cleaning up after yourself, behaving like civilized humans. Eating with forks. Then there are extra chores that can be done for cold hard cash. These chores are inspected of course, no cheaters, no corners cut. Michael’s 5 year old asked, ‘What else can I clean?’ I immediately thought we had picked up the wrong children and brought home impostors. His middle child has diagnosed me with a cleaning problem. The oldest is just here for the dough. But the place is clean and my heart rate stays down.

We also listed rewards that can be chosen if all goes well and there are no small animals hurt in the survival of the weekend. Places they like to go, activities they like to do and all there for their choosing. So cash and fun motivate. Taking away fun and adding chores for no pay…also motivates. Just like in adult life. We are teachers folks. It’s all in a days work.  Oh yeah, so is everything I learn from them.  Goddammit.



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