I’ve got another thing coming, I don’t know what that is, but I will find it. I really am in the winter of my discontent right now. I turned 49 a few days ago and that would probably explain a lot of it. Shouldn’t I be somebody by now? As much as I hate that question, and know better than to ask it, I’m still asking it.
Yeah I made the Rules List. Who fucking cares? Lately I have felt very sick and can’t seem to spend much time out of the bathroom. I’m having to revamp my diet and health. It has made me slow down. It has made me feel weak. It has made me not drink. Which means I’m in my head. A lot.
So I will be eating the bland diet of a two-year-old. Lots of rice, lots of oatmeal trying to add fruits and veg, drinking a lot of tea. It’s made me stop and slow down. I know I need to stay positive and a positive mind is everything. I just can’t muster that up right now. Not only that, but I don’t care that I don’t care.
I’m just going to do what I’m doing, and I don’t care if anyone uses a fork anymore. Or cleans their room. I don’t give a fuck. The rules are posted. I’m going to head out and do some yoga and go on some hikes this weekend. Michael can tame the shrews, I don’t care anymore. I’ve spent the last eight weeks trying to be the mom I thought I was. I quit.
For now I think I’ll eat my baby food, go on some long walks, BECAUSE I CAN, and quiet my mind a bit. My body will probably immediately go into shock but C’est la vie.